Rx: LAUGHTER, P.R.N.

 TOWEL WAVING

 

                                                                      
                                                                            
No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.  Since, by Jewish law, a wife is fully entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                 The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the       following suggestion:  “Hire a strapping young man. While the two

of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.”                                 
                                                                            

They go home and follow the Rabbi’s advice.  They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.  It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied.  Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.                                     
                                                                            
‘Okay,’ he says to the husband, ‘Try it reversed.  Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel  over them.’ Once again, they follow the Rabbi’s advice.  They go home and hire, the same strapping young man.                      
                                                                            
The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.  The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has   an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.                   
                                                                            
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,   ‘See that, you schmuck?  THAT’S how you wave a towel!’ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    A  QUIZ:    7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at   least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen,canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S’.       Answers To Quiz:   1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing 2. North American landmark constantly moving backward.  Niagara Falls - The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of  the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry. 5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. 7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar:  Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce 9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘dw’ and they are all common words Name two of them.   SELF-HYPNOSIS       A woman comes home and tells her husband, ‘Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.’ ‘No more headaches?’ the husband asks, ‘What happened?’ His wife replies, ‘Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, I do not have a headache I do not have a headache I do not have a headache Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone..’ ‘Well, that is wonderful’ proclaims the husband. His wife then says, ‘You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?’ Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the h usband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, ‘WOW! – that was wonderful!’ The husband says, ‘Don’t move! I will be right back.’ He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning ‘OH MY GOD’ she proclaims. Her husband again says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying ….. She’s not my wife She’s not my wife She’s not my wife His funeral service will be held Saturday  .  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Everything I need to know about life, I learned from  Noah’s Ark !  One : Don’t miss the boat.  Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.  Three : Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark..  Four : Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.  Five : Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.  Six : Build your future on high ground.  Seven : For safety sake, travel in pairs..  Eight : Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.  Nine : When you’re stressed, float a while.  Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.  Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.    (submitted by Kevin Heitger) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~